Un-easy

You know that point when you feel you just need to vomit whats on your mind...I had that today. Here's what I typed up for my hubby:

I know the last few days you were here were particularly crazy. I do apologize for my part in the craziness. I do want you to understand how I feel...I love, trust, respect, and have faith in you. Sometimes I dont always feel like you reciprocate that, and it makes me clingy when you are about to go away. I dont like being told I am crazy, or that I am stupid for feeling that way. I can see you rolling your eyes already...no, I'm not sending you on a guilt trip...I know you are busy...I know you have a heavy load...I just dont want to wait to tell you what I feel or how I am doing till its too late and we are driving each other apart. I'm not a mind reader and neither are you so its important for us to keep an open dialogue always. I should have told you earlier, but the last night that we fought...I did see what you wrote to Dad on FB when I got online to find the store numbers to call for you. I dont think you meant for me to see it, but I did...Its not your fault, and what you say to Dad is between you and him. I do feel upset/ hurt about it, and I while I dont feel you meant it I still have to ask...are you really just hanging in till the kids are old enough to leave? are you really miserable? Yeah...I know these are difficult questions to ask...and while reading this is probably making you lean towards being miserable, that's not my intent.
I hope this e-mail doesn't make you angry and make you stop writing to me. I know this e-mail is not particularly making your day with all the things I am sharing. However, old man I love you I muss you so very much!

Glad I have this outlet...I dont think he needs to read that right now!